I had a wonderful semester, I learned so much from being a part of this class. I value the things I learned about communication and listening. I enjoyed learning about dating and building intimate relationships. I want to use those things in the future, hopefully near future but who knows. One thing we talked about in the last class was that expectations can be damaging. I'm still working out what my expectations are so that I can overcome them. I'm not sure what else to say because we didn't talk about a lot this week, but I'll share one of my favorite Phineas and Ferb and Bill Cosby videos.

Divorce and Stepfamilies

This week we talked about divorce and the different stations and steps of divorce. I really liked the conversation on Monday because its stuff I've thought about before. We talked about whether or not there is a "right" time to get a divorce. I want the answer to be no but I don't believe that is true. I've worked with kids that came from homes with domestic violence and I took a class on campus about abuse and domestic violence. I've also, on my own, studied the effects that abuse can have on children because for a career I want to help children that come from those situations. I know there is still a lot I don't know about abuse and what those that are in those situations experience, but I don't think anyone should stay in those situations and that they should get out as soon as they can. Another thing I have thought about is whether or not I would stay in a marriage with a husband who is not living the law of chastity. I still haven't decided, I think it would depend on the situation, but I honestly hope and pray I never have to be in a situation where I would have to make that decision.

I thought our conversation about things that correlate with low divorce rates in the church was very interesting. It was said that marriages in which both spouses are returned missionaries have the lowest rates of divorce. I'm a returned missionary and I learned so much from that experience. One thing I learned was how important the family is in God's plan and that gives me the hope that I would do whatever it takes to make my marriage work. I also learned how to live with people and work through problems and I learned what my weaknesses are and I've been working on improving in those areas. All these are things that I hope will help me when I'm married.

I got a lot from the reading this week. I wish we had talked more about chapter 16 because I found that extremely fascinating because my family, my parents, are about to start going into that stage. I'm the oldest and I was the first to leave home. My 3 brothers left when they went on their missions and I still have one sister in grade school. My family has changed a lot in the past few years. It also hit home because it had me thinking about my grandpa Kunzler. He was my last grandparent to pass away and he died last year. He was so sad after my grandma died and his health started to decline more quickly, fortunately my aunt had moved back and took care of him. I told my bishop about my grandpa right after he passed away and my bishop said that it is so hard for men when their spouses die. Their wives are so important to them and they are so lonely without their wives.

I thought that I would share something that was on a lighter note. It's the first part of this episode I wanted to share, but I couldn't find a clip with just the part I wanted so I put on the whole part one.

I couldn't find just the clips I wanted again, but I'm putting this clip on because it mentions divorce and the daughter is effected by the divorce of her parents.

Parenting

This week we talked about parenting, things like parenting styles and why people have children and types of disciplines. I've learned about the different parenting styles before and I usually think about how I want to implement an authoritative style of parenting, but I never thought about what parenting styles were used in my house. My parents were pretty authoritative in parenting me, but I think that both sets of my grandparents were also authoritative. My parents were really good at giving me choices but we also had consequences if we broke rules.

We also talked about why people have children. Some of the reasons mentioned in class were to continue the family name, religious and social expectations, progress as a couple, create what they didn't have, and to recreate what they did have. I want to have children one day. One of my dreams in life is to be a mother and to raise a family. One of the reasons goes along with one of the reasons I want to get married and that is I don't feel that I can progress without someone to progress with and I feel the challenges of having my own family will help me in my quest to become more like the savior. I also love children and I feel that one of the best ways I can have a positive impact on the world is by raising a righteous family a challenge I know won't be easy but I also feel that parenting is important enough that if my husband and I make the Lord an important part of our family that He will help us with the challenges.

I thought the conversation about spanking was really interesting. I don't want to spank my children. I remember being spanked when I was young, it didn't happen very often, but when I was spanked I remember feeling...I think indignant is the right word. I didn't feel sorry or penitent, I felt mad at my parent for spanking me and I don't think that it was effective for me. I've also learned about other forms of discipline that work so much better. Another reason I am against spanking is that I have worked with children that have been abused and I feel there is a fine line between spanking and abuse and I want to stay as far from that as I can. I'm in preschool this semester and one thing I have liked in the preschool is that we try to give reasons for the rules and tell them the consequences is they don't follow them. The first couple weeks were rough as they were learning, but we've been consistent and the kids behave a lot better. I think that is something else that I've found to be so important with discipline and that is to be consistent, it helps the children know what to expect and what their boundaries are.

I'm sure it's moments like this that make parenting worth all the work.

Father and Finances

I really like that we started things by discussing the three "p's" of the priesthood: Preside, protect and provide. My favorite part of that discussion was when we discussed how fathers are supposed to not only provide physical protection, but spiritual protection as well. One way they can do that is by controlling the media that is allowed in the home and taking the lead in teaching the gospel to the family. I think that was my favorite thing said in that discussion. In one stake conference my stake president said guys should make their wives righteous desires their righteous passions. One of my desires is to have positive media in my home that won't detract from the spirit and I want to marry someone that would support that desire and make it a passion.

This is the only Phineas and Ferb video I could find for dads.

We also talked about finances and all the things that families have to deal with. This is one thing that scares me, dealing with all the financial things. I only have a few right now, fortunately I don't have any debt and that is one thing I hope will help me after I get married. But the talk about finances made a good bridge into why couples both decide to work. I want to stay home and I feel that a mother's most important place is in the home and I believe that as long as I pay tithing and am wise with my finances the Lord will make sure my needs and my families needs will be taken care of.

Communication

I thoroughly enjoyed this topic and I learned so much. Communication is something I know is one of my weaknesses and as I learned about it this week I was able to identify ways I could improve and change.

In class we defined communication as the use of language and non verbal sign to create shared meanings between two or more people. The nonverbal things that was brought up was clothing, facial expressions, touch, and tone of voice. The part of this that I had never thought about before was the use of clothing as nonverbal communication but I realized that I use it all the time. The times when I dress up the most are church, when I go to the temple, dates, and when I worked in a gift shop that sold Native American arts and crafts. There are so many reasons why I dress up for church. The main reason is to pay respect for the Lord on His day. But I also want to look nice to maybe catch the attention of the guys. When I was at the gift shop I sold items that were worth a lot of money, some were worth a few thousand dollars, and I dressed up to make myself seems more professional and I wanted to send the message that I really knew what I was talking about when I taught them about the items, I would even wear some of the jewelry in the gift shop to send the message that I valued the items there.

Another thing in class that I really liked was when we talked about the use of emotion in communication. The thing I got from it is that emotion isn't bad, but responding emotionally when we are upset can be damaging. This is a problem that I struggle with. I tend to respond emotionally when I am upset about something and that makes communication very difficult. as we talked about it in class I thought about problems I've had in the past when I've responded to different situations emotionally and how that made the situations worse. I've had a situation the last couple weeks and I've felt very upset, but I've been trying to wait to deal with it until I can get my emotions under control so that I don't respond with anger. I know if I do it could create problems and I don't want to do that because if I respond emotionally then I'm the one with the problem. The thing I wonder is it ever best to just not respond if you think you would respond emotionally?

I also found the reading and discussion about listening extremely valuable. I realized I have been a very bad listener. I am one that interrupts others quite frequently and I get distracted and I will pretend to be listening, but I decided to work on that and I've had several experiences to do that. One person I feel I pretend to listen is one of my roommates so I've made a concentrated effort to pay real attention to her when she is talking to me. A few days ago she was trying to talk to me when the television was on and I was not paying very good attention to her so I turned the television off so that I could listen to her. I also tried really to listen to one of my other roommates and I learned quite a bit about her. I feel that it helped us to become better friends. A few days I was on the other end. My friend had oral surgery that involved breaking and resetting his jaw and cutting through the nerves in his face. He couldn't talk when I talked to him and I talked for about an hour with him only able to listen. I told him a lot about the things that have been going on in the last several months, it made me wonder if that is how others feel when they are listened to without interruption and if I would learn more about people and make more intimate relationships if I would only spend more time listening.

I had hoped to find more of this Phineas and Ferb episode to show because I like that they don't only create a new verbal language, but some nonverbal communication as well.

Family Crisis

I think the most important thing that was said in class is that all families experience family crisis. With that said I did find it very important to learn ways to prevent, when possible, family stress from becoming family crisis. I class we talked about the revised ABCX model.

I know we talked about it in in regards to families, but I looked at the model and I was able to see it in regards to stress I experienced a few months ago. But it wasn't one event that led to all the stress, but several events. One thing that helped me get through the stress was writing down the things that caused the stressed. I found that very helpful to define and face the things that were causing me stress because then I was able to find ways to cope with the stresses. It makes me wonder how families can do that, but I guess that is one reason it can be important to have things like daily family prayer and scripture study and weekly family home evening. Those traditions can give families a place to work together to define and talk about stress and together find ways to work through them. Not only that, but in class it was mentioned how family traditions can help families deal with crisis. Another thing that has helped me time and again is personal religious observance. Keeping myself as close as I can to Heavenly Father and the spirit has helped me immensely, and my family.

I enjoyed learning about the stages in the family life cycle and how a disruption to those stage can create family crisis. When I was in high school I remember learning about several girls that had been kidnapped. I wondered how that effected their families. One of those girls was found the next day, she was in my brother's class and from what I understand she was fine. The other girl was found several months later, that was Elizabeth Smart, and the other girl was never found. They don't know if she was killed or not. Even though the first families were able to repair, I can't imagine how the other family was able to adapt. I did hear they had a funeral for her, even though she was never found. Other things that can create family crisis is the death of a child, violence, infertility, and financial problems. I am thankful for the things that have helped my family through our crises.

Transitions in Marriage and Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

This is a blog for the last two weeks, I don't know if I can do that, but I'm doing it anyhow. One thing we talked about was breakups. Some of the reasons brought up in class were personal reasons and cost benefit analysis. Four things considered in the cost benefit analysis are connection/closeness, intimacy, increase in social status, and financial. I've only ever had one boyfriend, we didn't date for very long. He was a great guy and I enjoyed being with him, he made me feel wonderful and beautiful, but we didn't communicate very well and, going back to levels of communication, we seemed to struggle getting past superficial communication, so when I found out that I had got a job that required me to move I knew our relationship wouldn't work, so I broke up with him. It was an Exit.

I understand that breakups are usually a very painful thing and the reason is the more intimate you become with someone, the more vulnerable you are and the break up changes your interaction. I remember reading in an Ensign several years ago that the loss felt at a break up is similar to that felt when someone passes away.

This week we learned about sexual intimacy. We focused mainly on the four stages of the sexual response cycle. I don't have anything to say about that except to share a scripture. 2 Nephi 2:22-23: "And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin."

We also talked about the churches stance on having children and contraceptives. I have read talks by general authorities that teach how important it is to have children. For myself, I would want to start right away because my dream and ambition in life is to raise a family. I feel that raising a righteous family is one of the best ways I can help be an influence for good in this world. The church's stance on contraceptives, to the best of my understanding is that it is a decision to be made between a husband, wife, and the Lord.

We also spent time discussing infidelity. One of the things I found really interesting is that if a man has an affair there is a greater likely hood of the marriage staying together than in the wife had an affair. I think that infidelity is a terrible and sad thing. I don't know if I would stay with someone that wasn't faithful to me. One of the things I learned from the reading and class is how important it is to set boundaries with your spouse so that there is a safe guard against either person becoming intimate with someone else. Things like never spending time alone with someone of the opposite gender should be a no-no, no matter what.

Dating and Intimacy

This week was really interesting. We learned about dating and intimacy. The first day we talked about the Law of Attraction. There are four principles to the Law of Attraction.

1. Physical Attraction: There were two parts to physical attraction social theory and biological theory. Social theory was the idea that if you associate with people viewed as beautiful or powerful then you gain a higher status. The theory I found the most interesting was the biological theory. Men look at the ability to bear and care for offspring and women look for the ability to protect and provide. In class we talked about the hip to waist ratio which is 0.8 or small waist and larger hips. It turns out that it is the best ratio for being more fertile. Someone in class said "It's all about having babies." I thought that was hysterical.

2. Proximity: The closer you live with someone, the more opportunity for romantic relationship. this explains why so many people have met future spouses at Jacob Lake. Jacob Lake Inn is a place in the middle of the Kaibab forest and one of the rules when working there is that we can't date any of our fellow employees. It is a pretty secluded place and we all get really close and there have been at least two couples from there that have or are getting married, and several others that have dated each other after working there. It's proximity in a nutshell.

3. Similarities: It's the opposite to the saying opposites attract. People tend to be attracted to people that they are more alike. What are some similarities to myself that I would find attractive? Definitely religion, standards, and goals. I also like people that share my sense of humor and can make me laugh. I find a good sense of humor extremely attractive.

4. Familiarity: People are attracted to traits that are familiar. This can apply to having heard of the person. I heard a story and I'm not sure if it would fall in to this category or a previous one. A friend of mine was telling me her brother married someone that looks a lot like her. so much so that when my friend, her brother, and sister in law are together people think it was her brother that married into the family, not his wife.

We also spent a lot of time talking about hanging out. Hanging out is what is replacing dating, it is when a bunch of people from both genders have spontaneous, informal, get-togethers. One of my favorite terms for hanging out I heard from Elder Scott, he called it "idleness in flux". Hanging out requires no commitment and it could be one of the reasons young adult marry at a later age. I found a talk by Elder Oaks talking about dating vs. hanging out. It is called Dating Versus Hanging Out. We also talked about the purposes of dating, which includes socialization, recreation, and finding intimacy and companionship. Basically, now I want to date. We read a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball and he said that we should find our eccentricities and try to eliminate them and that would help. I'm working on it.

I think this is a funny video when thinking about dating.

We also talked about how to build intimacy. I found this extremely valuable because I feel like I lack in this area. I feel that I to often keep things at a superficial level and that it takes a while for me to get personal and extremely difficult to get to a stage of intimacy. Communication seems to be one of the vital components to building intimacy and I don't think I communicate enough. I'm working on it and I've gotten a lot better. I'll keep working on it.

Gender

This week we learned about gender and and gender roles. We defined gender as socially constructed behavior; gender roles as behavior associated with being male or female; gender role orientation as self concept of being male or female; and sex as biological identity. We also took time to make lists of traits people often associate with men and women. I personally feel that men are equal, but each has traits that make them different. I think that women shouldn't try to act like men because we have qualities that are unique and wonderful that would be lost if we tried to be like men.

President Ezra Taft Benson said: "You women were not created to be the same as men. Your natural attributes, affections, and personalities are entirely different from a man's. They consist of faithfulness, benevolence, kindness and charity. They give you the personality of a woman. They also balance the more aggressive and competitive nature of a man...We do not doubt that women have both the brain power and skills--and in some instances superior abilities--to compete with men. But by competing they must of necessity, become aggressive and competitive. Thus their godly attributes are diminished and they acquire a quality of sameness with man."(Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, pp. 547-48)

I agree with President Benson. I rejoice in my woman hood and in the things that make me different from men.

Rules, Class, Culture

This week has been very interesting as I've thought about the rules that are in my family and also about my social class. The videos we watched for class were very interesting, they were about different social classes in America. My favorite one talked about yard ornaments because I know a place where they are very common and people even dress them up for holidays and seasons. in class we talked about different working classes such as lower class, lower middle class, middle middle class, upper middle class, working class, upper class, and elite. I would have considered my family middle middle class, but after the discussion I realized we're probably working class. The realization was interesting more that earth shattering. I will probably be middle class somewhere after I get married, simply because of education.

We also talked about feedback. I didn't quite understand that. There was a lot of talk about positive and negative, what I think I understand about it is that negative feedback are small changes that bring us back to homeostasis. Positive feedback are a lot bigger adjustments that need to be made to bring the system back to original homeostasis, or to create a new homeostasis. I really have no idea, though if that is right. We also talked about class and culture. I tried to think about what my culture would be, I think it is stage mom culture, even though I wouldn't consider my mom a stage mom. My family does a lot of active stuff that involves performing in different mediums; singing, acting, jump rope, drums; and so we are always busy because of that. If we were in a lower class we might not be able to do a lot of that stuff and if we were in a higher class we might to do different things.

Theories

Well, I am still working on what exactly I need to say in this blog, but I found this week fascinating. I really enjoy learning about theories and ways to apply them especially thinking about how they apply to my family. Reading the articles and thinking about about family got me thinking about what rules for interaction do I have in my family. It was actually much harder than I thought it would be to find them. The big reason for that is I haven't lived at home for about 6 years and during that time things have changed: my siblings have grown up, most of us have served mission, my family is even living in a different house. The system has changed, and figuring out what the change is would be very interesting, but it would explain why when I go home I feel like I shake things up. The other hard thing this week was thinking about boundaries, and it was for the same reason, I haven't been home and I don't know what some of the boundaries between some of my family members are. I also discovered that I want to make some of my boundaries more open.

Research and Recent Trends

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to share what I've learned through the blog, but one way I thought of for this week is to share some of my thoughts on an article I found completely by chance called "'Mormons in America' Pew survey explores beliefs, attitudes of LDS Church members". I found the article at this website: http://desne.ws/AfmdnI. It is about a study that was done by Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion & Public Life .

I thought this article was interesting to read after learning about research studies. It talks about creating a survey using terminology that would be mutually understood by all those that took it. I thought it was interesting because in class and in the articles about research it mention terminology being one of the trials in research. One thing I thought made this study very strong is that it wasn't done by the church, but they did get the advice of members as they were putting the study together. Something I also thought it was really interesting that they showed the results about what they learned about American "Mormons" and compared it to what they learned about what other people believe about Mormons. Some of those things were in line, but when it came to whether or not we were christian there was a huge difference of opinion. There were several results from the survey that fit the stereotypes often associated with Mormons, like where most of them live. They surveyed more than a thousand members that were found when they had done previous studies. They had questions that made sure the participants were members of the church and not groups that are not call themselves Mormons but are not affiliated with the church. I liked that they admitted that the study could have done a better job at representing the marginal members, it admitted that there is a lot they could still learn in further studies. Another thing I liked about the study, and this is more of a personal note, I liked that it reflected many positive things about the church.